


Safe Passage Through the Anus

by SathInflection



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bad Guys Made Them Do It, Dubious Consent, Except They Were Already Doing It, Humor, Incest, Loki's continued interest in community theater, Loki/Grandmaster mentioned, M/M, Rimming, Trope Subversion/Inversion, and therefore a Nice Time is had
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-08 08:06:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13454007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SathInflection/pseuds/SathInflection
Summary: The Grandmaster decides to expand his business interests to include incest-themed porn. Thor and Loki are horrified.Except not really.





	Safe Passage Through the Anus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [havisham](https://archiveofourown.org/users/havisham/gifts).



> Happy Chocolate Unboxing, havisham! Hope this fits your request of 'eating ass like a sack of groceries,' because it was certainly an inspiring turn of phrase. Thanks go out to linguamortua for the beta, and TheIronDragon for all the cheerleading.

“Have you considered,” Loki said, affecting indifference, “not letting your champion kill the Lord of Thunder?”

“You know, I haven’t,” the Grandmaster replied, each word punctuated by the sound of the Hulk testing Asgardian durability. Loki was quite familiar with the process. “Is this a family thing? I understand. Having to use the melt stick on my own cousin came with a twinge of regret. Thor is your brother, isn’t he?”

Loki winced. Equivocating wouldn’t help Thor, little as he actually wanted to.  

The Grandmaster snapped his fingers. “That gives me an idea! Topaz, call off my champion and bring the Lord of Thunder to the secondary sex lounge.”

That couldn’t be good. “I’ll just take my leave—”

The Grandmaster caught hold of Loki’s elbow. “No, no, you have to come with me. You’re part of the plan. The devilishly handsome Lord of Mischief, the breakout star of my orgies.”

“God of Mischief,” Loki muttered. Why couldn’t the Grandmaster remember that he wasn’t dealing with mere lords of whatever? Senility had settled in. When the time was right, Loki would stick him in New Shady Acres and nick every golden robe in his closet. The sandals would be left on Sakaar.

The secondary sex lounge was decorated with nude statues of the Grandmaster, which were unfortunately accurate in the depiction of his tentacles. Shortly, Thor was dragged in by two guards, each one holding a miraculously intact, eternally muscled arm. The guards dropped him in front of the Grandmaster.

“Where am I?” Thor asked for the second time that day. He clumsily sat up, focusing first on the Grandmaster, and then Loki behind him. “Where’s the Hulk?” Thor said.

“Taking a bath,” the Grandmaster said. “You made him work up a sweat! Absolutely incredible.”

“I won the fight.”

The Grandmaster smiled and shrugged. “Clearly you didn’t.”

“Where’s everyone else?” Thor demanded. “Are those tentacles? Is that you?”

“I thought we shouldn’t have too large of an audience for this, just in case you got performance anxiety.”

“Loki, what’s going on?”

“I haven’t the slightest idea.” Thor was probably going to be invited to the next orgy, which would be deeply awkward if Loki had to wear the gold nipple chains again.

“Lord of Thunder.” The Grandmaster rubbed his hands together. “The people absolutely loved you. Not as much as my champion, of course. Now, Sakaar gets pornographic feeds from all over the universe. I know what makes beings,” the Grandmaster said, pausing to leer, “tick. And there is one hot search trend found on every planet, even the ones where the sentient life is just concentrated balls of gas with internet connections. You two want something from me, and that’s to get off Sakaar. So, here’s what I want in return: incest.”

The Grandmaster was delighted with his diabolical evil as Thor’s jaw dropped. It was an abhorrent thing to ask from them. Debauched, morally bankrupt, and showing callous disregard for the familial bonds that had served Loki so poorly.

On the other hand, he had already had sex with his brother. More than once, perhaps even stretching into the category of “a lot.” Each incident had been ill-advised, often tarnished by guilt, and completely fantastic. This was disregarding the first one, which had mostly been crying and premature ejaculation.

They had to pretend to be appalled, or they would never escape Sakaar. The Grandmaster wasn’t going to say, oh, excellent, you’ve already had incestuous sex, so this should, uh, be old ground for you. Do it with panache, as if all of Sakaar was watching. No, the Grandmaster would cancel his offer, buy Loki tighter pants, and then pick out more bespoke dildos for the next orgy.

“Grandmaster, my dear friend,” Loki said. “I don’t think incest is the most popular erotic search term.”

“You’re not wrong. The most popular erotic search term is ‘step mom,’ which is a specific _kind_ of incest, but I don’t think you two can pull that one off.”

Loki absolutely would not tell the Grandmaster that they probably could.

Thor grimaced. “You’re disgusting! I’d rather be a slave forever than lay with my own brother.”

“First of all,” replied the Grandmaster, holding up one finger, “I don’t like that word. Second of all, you are one sex act away for the rest of whatever your life span is.” Turning to Loki, he asked, “How uh, how do you feel about this?”

Loki couldn’t play too upset, after all the time he’d spent indulging the Grandmaster’s more obscure and intimidating fetishes. “Reluctant,” he said, which wasn’t entirely a lie, since didn’t particularly want to leave Sakaar. But now that Thor was here, he’d ruin all of Loki’s careful plans within a week. He preferred to leave things on a high note, though he hadn’t been historically successful with that.

“Reluctant? Only reluctant?” Thor blustered. “Are you not repulsed to your core?”

“It does seem to be our only way off the planet,” Loki said, sighing.

“I could never have sex with Loki. He’s oily, duplicitous, and his hairline’s ascending to the formless void.”

Thor was overselling it; probably because Loki had bet against him in the ring and indirectly said he wished Thor would die. “Was it necessary to say that? Does it make you happy to lie about my hairline?”

“I’m staring right at it.”

“Then you can see that it’s perfectly fine.”

“I think it’s just your forehead,” the Grandmaster said, suddenly far too close. “Have you always looked like that?”

“Yes,” Loki replied through gritted teeth.

“Well, I think you make it work.” Turning to Thor, the Grandmaster said, “Since you were defeated by my champion, your only ticket out is through is your brother. I can give you oh, thirty more seconds to think about it before I get bored.”

Thor clenched his fists. “Fine. But I’ll hate it.”

“Is it really incest if one of them’s adopted?” Topaz asked.

“He’s my brother!” Thor said.

“Topaz, don’t be insensitive.” The Grandmaster waggled his finger at Thor. “I like how you keep saying ‘brother.’ That’s good stuff, you should keep working with that. Topaz will be filming, but don’t worry: it’ll only be broadcast to all of Sakaar. And no one ever leaves Sakaar. Except, perhaps, heh, you two.”

“If I have sex with Loki, I am definitely leaving afterwards,” Thor replied.

“You’ll still have to share a ship with me, brother.”

“I’m not sure whom I want to top or bottom,” said the Grandmaster, looking over them thoughtfully. “Loki is the obvious choice. He’s slender, shorter, has longer hair.”

“Only because you cut mine off,” Thor grumbled.

“Don’t interrupt. No, Topaz, I don’t need the melt stick. Now as I was saying, Loki’s what people expect. Thor’s unconventional, a wildcard. Very butch. He’d upend traditional top/bottom roles.”

“You don’t have to make them have anal sex,” Topaz said.

The Grandmaster spread his arms. “Y’know what? Surprise me.” He stretched out on his observation couch, resting his chin on one hand.

Participating in an orgy suddenly felt much less high-stakes than being recorded, masturbated to, and subjected to a comment section for millions of years. What if people preferred Thor? He could already picture Sakaar SpankHub user anuslover420 giving the video a thumbs down and typing that Loki fucked like a limp, uncompelling fish, beached on land and making gurgling noises. On the other hand, what if he was a success? ‘Thor has 2 many muscles and wierd grunts,’ says xx69incestfanxx. ‘Loki is a natural showman and has an O-face that finished me off in 9/10 viewings.’

While Loki was going over worst and best case scenarios, Thor had stripped off his armor. Thor’s chest was exactly how he remembered it: magnificent.

“Oh my,” said the Grandmaster. “Topaz, make sure you get a good shot of that.”

“On it,” Topaz replied, making a final adjustment to the camera before she hefted it over her shoulder. Thor waved. 

Loki had to seize the narrative. “I’m not having sex on the floor.”

“You’re absolutely right,” the Grandmaster replied. “Can we get a wrestling mat in here? And some lube. Do you two need any form of protection? Condoms? Diaphragm?”

“Asgardians don’t get diseases,” said Thor.

“Ass-guard. I get it now, I get it.”

As two lackeys brought forward a bright pink mat that squeaked over every inch of the floor, Loki resentfully began taking his clothes off. He didn’t even put any flair into it, though he did fling a boot at a departing lackey’s head. Both he and Thor hesitated at the pants stage. While sliding the Grandmaster’s gifted leather down his ass, Loki tried not to think of anuslover420’s inevitable review of his penis: ‘would’ve been impressed, but Thor’s was slightly bigger and girthier, so I rate it a B.’

“Don’t go right into it,” the Grandmaster stage whispered. “Make out first. Reel in the viewers. Show us the raw, um, sizzle of two exceptionally tall humanoids going at it just so they can leave this incredible planet.”

“Let’s get this over with,” Thor said, which wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever said before sex, but it was definitely up there with ‘I only have ten minutes.’ Loki was starting to feel legitimately unwanted until Thor pulled him into a kiss.

There was nothing unwilling about it. Loki had always had a needy response to Thor, and they’d barely done anything other than fight over the last few years. But he couldn’t let his reaction give the act away, even with Thor’s tongue in his mouth. Had Thor had to do that? He was definitely still angry about Loki’s bet on the Hulk. Loki glanced over at the Grandmaster.

The Grandmaster’s eyes were narrowed.

Loki put his fingers on Thor’s lips, pushing his face away. “Was that enough sizzle?” he said.

“Did you two always have a hot and cold relationship?” the Grandmaster asked. “Who was the family favorite? Sparkles, am I right?”

“That,” Loki replied, “has nothing to do with incest-themed pornography.” His hand was still on Thor’s mouth, and he had no idea how to remove it without making it look awkward. It was like Loki had stuck his hand in Thor cement.

“The incest is makes this interesting! You need to give the audience an impression of your inner torment.”

Thor, immune to his own adhesive powers, gently moved Loki’s hand away. “I’m very tormented,” he said. He did look troubled, the ass.

The Grandmaster steepled his fingers together. “He’s got the right idea! Are you going to let him outshine you?”

“You’re injured,” Loki hissed. “I’ll top. Get on the wrestling mat.”

“I’m still taller. You get on the wrestling mat.” 

Thor yelped as Loki dug his thumb into one of his bruises. Loki’s triumph lasted only a moment, because Thor slapped him. The slap had its usual effect of leaving Loki insulted, turned on, and on his back within three seconds.  

“Hey, hey, easy on the violence, you two,” the Grandmaster said. “This is general market incest.”

“I think the fighting adds a nice sibling flavor,” Topaz remarked.

Loki tried to look up at Thor with the right amount of hesitation and sexy filial shame that would get them to the top of the SpankHub comment section. Instead, Loki was probably just channeling naked and aroused. His performance as Odin had been much more convincing, due to his choice to show grief for his lost son by staying in his slippers.

“Open your legs for me, brother,” said Thor, stroking Loki’s hip as he avoided meeting Loki’s eyes. Thor’s touch had him spreading his legs instantly, as if there was a hidden spring by his pelvis.

Leaning down, Thor rested his forearm on the mat, partially obscuring Loki’s face as he rubbed his thumb over Loki’s hole. Thor gave him a conspiratorial wink with the eye facing away from the camera.  

“You won’t need much stretching after whoring yourself out for favors, will you?” Thor said.

“Eat my ass, you unmannered lout,” Loki snapped.

“Fine, villain.”

And then, big hands were tilting up his hips and he felt Thor’s beard rubbing against his groin as he swirled his tongue around Loki’s asshole. He barely heard the Grandmaster announcing a surprising twist because Thor was enthusiastically tonguing him and it took half a second before Loki was writhing and wrapping his thighs around Thor’s head.

“Hope you don’t mind Sakaar seeing you kissing your little brother’s ass after the Hulk pounded you in the ring,” Loki grit out.

“Billions are going to see me being good at it.”

“Don’t pause to brag.”

Thor’s hair wasn’t long enough to grab anymore, but Thor didn’t keep him waiting. He shoved his tongue past Loki’s rim, shamelessly curling his tongue inside him and pulling out to lap as his asshole, repeating it tirelessly until Loki felt like he would either come or cry. Thor was the most generous lover he’d ever had, and Loki had missed him—oh, sweet Surtur’s crown the noise of Thor licking him was going to drive Loki mad—more than anything, even Asgard.

“Brother, if you don’t—” Loki had to pause, gasp, try to collect his thoughts. “I’ll come in your hair.”

Thor pulled away, wiping the spit off his beard. “Can’t let you do that, even if it was a hackjob from a demented old man. Get on your knees.”

“Heard that a lot lately,” Loki muttered, turning over. He hoped Topaz was focusing on his thighs more than his asshole as he spread his legs again, not that he had anything to be ashamed of back there. User reviews in mind, Loki made sure his hair was out of his face (elegantly, with a bit of a flip).

Thor fiddled with the lubricant for far too long before he put just one finger inside him. Loki nearly cursed him for deciding now was the time for going slow. But he wouldn’t say anything, because he was supposed to be deeply humiliated and not rocking his hips back as Thor added a second finger.

Damn. At least Loki was keeping quiet, breathing as deeply as anyone would who was getting a public prostate massage. When they got their ship from the Grandmaster, he would fuck Thor properly by riding him into the captain’s chair, his only concern getting Thor to beg.

With three fingers in, Loki impatiently bit his lip. The Grandmaster was studying Thor closely.

“The Lord of Thunder’s certainly good at maintaining an erection, Topaz.”

“Good vascular pressure,” she replied.

“It’s practice,” Thor huffed, as if his prowess had been called into question, “from years of fair maidens.”

“Years of masturba—” Loki’s taunt faded into something unsexily like an ‘oof’ as Thor thrust the head of his cock inside. “That all you’ve got back th—”

Thor fisted his hand in the hair at Loki’s nape and tugged. Loki decided he could be quiet after his version of ‘hngh’ got distributed all over Sakaar, drawn out by Thor sliding in the rest of his cock.

“It’s like Loki has an ‘off’ button,” the Grandmaster said. “At first I thought it was the slap, but it’s definitely the hair.”

“Dick seems to be helping as well, sir.”

“Thor’s very sexually intuitive.”

Loki badly wanted to argue that Thor wasn’t a sex god, but he was distracted, and acting. He had to look miserable, or at least uncomfortable. Thor tightened his grip on Loki’s hair and pushed his head against the mat, helping Loki brace himself as he rudely pulled all the way out before thrusting back in. The good news was that it gave Loki an accurately murderous expression.

“I think you’re ready for more, aren’t you?” Thor asked.

“I’ve had bigger.”

Thor possessively squeezed Loki’s ass, starting to shallowly fuck him. “Not better,” Thor said, trailing his hand down Loki’s hip, resting it just a few inches from his cock. He steadied Loki as he finally gave him a real thrust, hard and perfect, and if Loki hadn’t already been face down, that would’ve done it. There was no keeping back a whimper when Thor didn’t stop, fucking him just out of rhythm enough to keep him off-balance and moaning. But it wasn’t enough; Loki was used to having Thor’s hands all over him while being praised and manhandled in equal measure, and instead Thor was being necessarily silent. So Loki was fantasizing about having sex with Thor, while having sex with Thor, which had to be a new kind of personal low.

Glancing over to the camera and its field of view, Loki decided he could risk it. He reached back and laced his fingers with Thor’s, and he had to bite his lip again to keep from grinning when Thor made a choked off noise that definitely would’ve been Loki’s name. Thor held him back, and Loki would die before admitting that that was as good as the sex. Loki reluctantly pulled his hand away and covered up what they’d done by starting to jerk off.

Thor’s stamina was the sort of thing that had three bawdy songs about it in three different realms, but he wasn’t trying for it today. Loki could tell how close he was getting by his breathing, and Loki was nearly there himself. Normally, Loki would be telling Thor exactly where he wanted him to come, in language that was embarrassing just a few moments after.

“Pull out,” Loki gasped. “Pull out, you oversized, blond… spoiled…”

He cursed through the rest of his orgasm, damning everything from the decor to Topaz’s dubious camera work and adding a few more epithets for Thor. Loki tried not to seem too wobbly as he caught his breath, wincing when Thor withdrew and finished off on the mat. Well, that was a little wasted.

“Towels! And clothes!” Loki said with a snap of his fingers, pulling himself into a modest seated position. He focused on his own hands as he wiped himself off and slipped back into his leathers. Thor was having a little trouble with the buckles on his chest plate, so Loki reached over to help.

“Got it, thanks,” Thor muttered, getting to his feet with an impressive amount of dignity. Loki would’ve appreciated a hand up, recent events considered, but that was probably a little too much collaboration. He did his best to spare his sore ass as he stood.

“I’ll take those keys now,” said Thor.

Crossing his arms, the Grandmaster replied, “I’m not giving you keys to a ship. You’ve done this before, and I don’t like being deceived.”

Loki wouldn’t panic. “Grandmaster, our bodies are—were—complete strangers to each other.”

“Take the Lord of Thunder to the Hulk’s boudoir. Loki, you’re on thin ice.” The Grandmaster was already walking away, making Loki rush to catch up to him.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Loki pleaded. “I’ll do the trick where I take your shape—”

The Grandmaster shook his head. “I don’t want to talk to you right now. You’re incestuous, and I’m a little, uh, weirded out. Aroused, but weirded out.”

Guards seized Thor again, which was actually a rather good look as he strained against being held. “Don’t take me to the Hulk’s boudoir! Brother, don’t let him do it!

Loki glared back at him. “You just had to make the sex good, didn’t you? After all the work I put into getting here, you literally cocked it all up!”

Throwing off the guards, Thor strode towards the Grandmaster. “I will make you regret putting Thor, son of Odin, in amateur porn.”

“Yikes,” the Grandmaster said, holding up the obedience disk fob and clicking. The disks must be absolutely excruciating; it wasn’t easy to drop Thor, as Loki knew very well.    

Loki held back, ignored, as everyone left the room. Distracted by family drama and a little misdirection, the Grandmaster hadn’t noticed him lifting a note from his pocket.

The access codes to the Commodore were his. If the Grandmaster tired of him, he could get out on his own. But, it would be much easier with Thor. Foolish to leave him behind, really. Thor could go to Asgard just like he wanted, and Loki would sneak off to a realm where his sister wasn’t actively trying to murder him.

There had to be somewhere in need of a ruler.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, just in case you were wondering, the sort of thing that Loki would say when he's not subject to anuslover420's user reviews is "cum in my naughty ass, brother!" Hope this helps.


End file.
